Write It Down

One of the things that I'm a fan of is documenting events and how I feel about them.  It's nice to go back and read later and relive the moments that were important enough for me to write down.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I had so many feeling swirling around because I had waited for a loooooong time to get pregnant.  I was excited, thrilled, scared, and worried it was too good to be true.  I didn't realize how scared I actually was until I went back recently to read what I was going through almost 6 years ago.

I was clueless and I worried a lot.  Because we had waited for so long, I didn't want to get my hopes up and so I didn't allow myself to really embrace my pregnancy at first because I thought something terrible would happen.  If I just kept it at arms length, then the disappointment, hurt, and despair wouldn't be as traumatic if something went wrong (of course, that is silly to think that).  Thankfully, nothing did and she arrived safely.

When I later read my accounts, I was sad that I spent the first part of my pregnancy too scared to really enjoy it.  It's a coping mechanism though and I'm sure I'm not alone.  But as I progressed in my pregnancy, I began to embrace it and really trust that things were going to be okay.  

I prayed a lot, which helped.  I prayed that I would have a healthy baby, and I prayed that delivery would go well, and I prayed that I would recover quickly to care for my baby.  I prayed for all the things a new mother would want for her and her baby.

And as I re-read those journal entries and letters I wrote to my baby, I also realized how much magic I experienced during my pregnancy.  Once I had my daughter, the long days and even longer nights eclipsed the memory of such wonder I lived through.  I had a severe case of "baby-brain" which is a real thing and had forgotten all the miraculous moments that only I experienced with my baby before she made her world debut.

I wrote about her first kick and the little flutters I felt in my tummy.  I wrote about how for several weeks, she'd get the hiccups around the same time each evening and how her little elbow would jab my in the side.  I wrote about seeing her on the ultrasound for the first time and tears slid down into my ears as I laid on the exam table and was relieved and elated that everything checked out okay.

Going back and reading those things helped me to relive them.  To feel the joy and excitement again.  To remember how that time in my life was a whirlwind that I never expected.

One of the things my daughter loves to hear is me tell her stories about when she was little (who are we kidding, she's still little). I'm so glad I wrote things down along the way so I can share with her the special moments I had with her even before anyone else met her.  One day when she is waiting for her own baby's arrival, I can give her my journal to read so she knows she's not alone and that I will always be by her side.  

I encourage you to take a moment to cherish this miracle by documenting it along the way.  You may feel horrible with morning sickness, you may be stressing about the whole motherhood thing, or you may really enjoy this time in your life.  I'm pretty sure though, no matter how you feel about your pregnancy, being able to look back at your pregnant self through the pages of thoughts, you'll be so amazed at the transformation you went through.  It's truly the beginning of an amazing story of a new life you bring into the world.